Once again, it’s technically Thursday but, I’ve been reading Ephesians 3 throughout the day so, it counts. 

So yesterday was Halloween and I really didn’t think it would matter to me. We haven’t made a big deal out of Halloween for the last 2 years of Sophie’s life so, why would this year be any different? Her first Halloween was spent at home with an ear infection and a ‘1st Halloween’ shirt and last year I think we put her in her Snow White onesie for my school Fall Festival but that was about it. This year, she was hooked up to her Methotrexate (chemo) infusion all day, had therapies, and was sleepy…a pretty standard day here in cancer world. The nurses were all wearing Troll hair wigs which was hilarious and downstairs there was a huge Halloween hoopla that I only know about because our nurse mentioned it. I had a crocheted Princess Poppy wig from Trolls that a sweet friend sent us so, I put it on Soph and snapped a picture just for Halloween posterity. Other than that, it was just another day for us. It wasn’t until I got to Ronald McDonald House yesterday afternoon that the sadness hit me. I felt sad that Soph was missing out on yet another milestone that all the other ‘normal’ kids get to have. I was sad that my Facebook was full of precious babies in costume onesies, toddlers running around as Elsa and Moana, and families at fall festivals and pumpkin patches. My husband even went over to see our nieces and nephew all dressed up before they headed out to Trick-or-Treat. My family was in 3 different places yesterday-Soph at the hospital getting chemo, me at RMH sleeping off exhaustion, and Jonathan at work then home all alone without his girls. 

Just another day. 

I will freely admit that I had a bit of a pity party thinking about what we are missing during all of this and how much I miss my ‘normal’ life with my sweet little family of 3 at home together. I sat in a hot bath tub with a bath bomb and Netflix on the iPad propped up on the top of the toilet by the tub and had a nice cry. That’s a pretty standard spot for me to be if I’m at RMH. After I dried it up and got dressed, I pulled out my little box of index cards that I’ve been writing scriptures on. I eventually want to put my control freak all over it and color coordinate the cards by topic or book of the Bible but, that has yet to happen. For now, I just have 3 sections- blank cards, cards with just the heading, and cards with the full scripture written out. I like to grab one that’s already written on when I’m feeling sad or overwhelmed and it’s usually a good wake up call to lean on Jesus and not myself. So that’s what I did-I grabbed a card and read it. It was:

Ephesians 3:16 -that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being (ESV translation) 

Talk about a wake up call huh? ‘Strengthened with power through his spirit.’ I get chills just reading that. He doesn’t just send us some random help when we ask for it. He’s not sending a third party to help us on his behalf. He send us HIS OWN SPIRIT-part of himself-not just to comfort us in times of need but, to strengthen us with power. That’s the Holy Spirit y’all! The Creator and King of all things on earth and in heaven thinks you are important enough that He sends himself through the Spirit to strengthen you when you need it. Thank you Lord for that. -Just stop reading and say thank you with me here! 

I read that verse, mustered out a tired and weary prayer, took a Benedryl for my sinus headache, then went to sleep with a prison documentary on in the background-I’m weird, I know. So today, I slept in-thank you benedryl- and got myself back up to the hospital to face another day. All morning I had Ephesians on my mind so while Sophie napped today I decided to read the rest of the chapter. All of chapter 3 is great but, verses 14-21 are particularly encouraging. It’s subtitled the ‘Prayer for Spiritual Strength’ for a reason. Verse 20 is what caught my eye the most and what has been speaking to me all evening. Here’s a few of the translations that I really dug into…

Ephesians 3:20- 

-Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think according to the power at work within us. (ESV) 

– Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or think according to his power that is at work within us. (NIV)

-Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. (NLT) 

Basic translation for all of those= GOD IS BIGGER! He’s bigger than anything we could ever ask or even think of asking for. He can do immeasurably more, far more abundantly, and infinitely more. 

Immeasurable. Abundant. Infinite. More. 

Those words all mean great things, big, powerful words. And even those words don’t do justice the full measure of God’s ‘bigness’. That same power that healed the blind and afflicted, multiplied loaves and fishes, and raised Jesus from the dead to sit at the right hand of the Father-that power– is also at work within those that put faith in Him. That power in us- can accomplish the great and mighty works He has set out before us. It can accomplish MORE than we can ask or think of. He’s good. And He is bigger. He’s bigger than cancer. He’s bigger that missing milestones and normalcy. He’s bigger than the worry that plagues our broken human hearts. He’s bigger. We just have to trust in that and have big faith in a Big God.