It’s been 11 days since we were told Sophie had a week(ish) left. For most of those days, she’s been alert and comfortable watching movies, reading books, taking walks, and singing LOTS of songs. We have been surrounded by the people that love her and us the most. Our friends and family have showed up in a HUGE overwhelming way. It’s been the hardest but, most fulfilling 11 days of my life.
Christmas was just another Monday up here but, we celebrated the birth of Jesus without presents but, with a new appreciation for the TRUE meaning of Christmas. Because of His birth, His presence with us, and then because of his sacrifice on the cross Sophie will soon be running and dancing at His feet. She will have no more owies, no more pokes, no more chemo, no more laying in the bed day after day. She will be perfect. Because of Jesus, we will see her and her big brother or sister again one day. Oh thank you Lord for your Son and what His life and death have done for us. I’m honestly quite jealous of the celebration that awaits her when she gets to Heaven.
Jonathan and I have felt such peace with every decision we have made over the past 11 days. Discontinuing chemo and therapy was a hard but the right choice. She was full of poison for no good reason. We also decided to get a post death tumor biopsy so that Sophie’s tissue might further Aggressive T-Cell research and treatment for other kids one day. We are also hopeful that we’ll be able to find out what caused her cancer and why it was so awful and aggressive. Finally, we know moving back to Children’s was 100% the BEST decision. We instantly were surrounded by nurses and doctors hugging and loving on us-that has continued each day we’ve been here. They love us and Sophie SO MUCH and that’s why we came back here. They even threw us a little New Year’s Eve party last night with decorations and snacks. Truly, this hospital is full of the hands and feet of Jesus. Our lives wouldn’t be the same without them. We look forward to one day being able to come back here and to give back to the family that has given so much to us.
As far as how we are doing…..
This is impossible, horrible, and devastating, yet it’s also sweet, fulfilling, and oh so precious. We’ve had sweet moments as our little family of 3. Jonathan and I have told her infinitely how much she’s loved and how proud we are of her for being so brave and strong. We’ve told her that Jesus and her older sibling are waiting for her and that she has lots of relatives and sweet little friends ready to meet her. We’ve sung all of our favorite silly songs and recounted sweet memories of our time as a family. We’ve also told her that we will take care of each other and she doesn’t have to worry about us. They’ve been some of the sweetest moments of my life with the 2 people I love the most in this world. I won the absolute lottery with them both. My life will be so empty without her but will still be so full with Jonathan. I’m so thankful we’ve been able to grow together instead of apart through this.
A lot of that is in huge part to our families. Without them, we’d have fallen apart months ago. We have truly been experiencing Immanuel, God with us, in this hospital room over the past 11 days. We have cried, remembered, prayed, laughed, sang, and above all-we have WORSHIPPED our good Father. We have praised and thanked Him for Sophie’s life and for His complete plan for her life and even for her death. We believe He is and will continue to use her in a mighty way. We will never understand and it will never stop hurting but, we take comfort knowing she will be perfect and complete and that His plan is perfect and complete for us all.
Sophie is not in pain and is on oxygen that is keeping her from struggling to breathe even though her oxygen levels are slowly dropping. She is on pain medicine and is very comfortably sleeping. As soon as she’s ready to let go, we know Jesus is waiting with excitement and open arms for her. Until then, we’ll keep loving and kissing on our brave girl.
Please pray for our time. Pray for more sweet time as a family of 3 as we help walk her Home. Pray that Sophie would remain pain free and sleeping comfortably and that when her time comes, that she won’t suffer but will skip peacefully into the arms of her Heavenly Father.
Thank you for walking this with us.