Memories from June 25th

One year ago-June 25th-my sweet girl was finally home after spending 36 days in Dallas.

We were finding our ‘new normal’ at home with cancer. Daily steroids, oral chemo, 3 day chemo shots, nausea medicine, diaper rash regimen, Tylenol, Miralax, monitoring her temp 3 times a day, tracking her urine input and everything she ate. We were fighting toddler roid rage, insane hunger cravings, and that chunky face from steroids. We were cuddling on our couch, sleeping in ‘mamas big bed’, playing with all of our favorite things, and playing in her new play house outside.

I cherish these memories because we got so few days at home after her diagnosis. Out of the 231 days she was sick, we were only home as a family for 21 of those. 210 other days were spent at the hospital.

So these pictures of my chunky, steroid, Batman loving Punkin represent one of those 21 days. One of the happy days of being SO thankful to be home together and SO thankful for her. Days like this one taught me about [Joy in all circumstances]! I was learning that even though I had NO clue just how much suffering we would go through that my God was bigger and that each day was a gift. I was cherishing every day and moment with my baby because the next day wasn’t promised. We were living a nightmare but also living in hope and the joy of being her parents.

And here I am one year later, wishing so badly that she was here for a ‘one year later’ photo but, instead I’m here without her. I wouldn’t trade these memories though-she was fighting so bravely one year ago. She was taking all of the meds and pokes and uncertainty like a champ and while I miss her so much it physically hurts me-I’m so proud of her.

One year later, she’s been gone almost 6 months, and yet, God is still bigger and each day is still a gift. I still cherish every day and moment i had with my baby because the next day wasn’t promised. And i cherish my days now sharing her story.

We are still living a nightmare but we are also still living in the joy of being her parents and the hope of eternity with her.

#sophiethebrave #DoMoreForSoph #godisstillbigger #onedaycloser #ChildhoodCancerAwareness #MoreThan4 #childloss

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