Baby Brother’s Big Scan

I’d be lying if I said that this pregnancy has been easy. Ironically, it’s been physically an absolute dream so far-completely different that the first 18 weeks with Sophie. Not being on full restricted bed rest with constant hemorrhaging…obviously that’s been amazing. And I knew that mentally and emotionally this would be hard…adding hormone overload to to grief was never going to be fun. It’s been harder than I anticipated.

Trying to balance extreme sadness with extreme joy without feeling guilty about it. Managing such big feelings of loss and wanting to prepare for something new. Being completely torn with so badly wanting another girl but, also being really excited for something new with a sweet boy.

It’s been a rollercoaster.

So naturally, I’ve been a nervous and anxious wreck leading up to our big 18 week anatomy ultrasound. All I’ve wanted was to see fingers and toes and healthy organs. I’ve been terrified that they’d find a giant softball sized tumor in his chest like his sister’s. I’ve needed to lay eyes on him.

Yesterday, we got that.

Connor is absolutely perfect. He’s measuring exactly where he should be. His brain, heart, and other systems are all perfect. There’s no tumors. He’s just a tiny, sweet little boy….he’s DEFINITELY a boy.

He even looks a lot like Sophie’s 18 week ultrasound. And we are so thankful. It made it even more real. Seeing him looking like a real human-and he’s ok…it took a weight off I didn’t even realize was there.

Will that weight stay off? Probably not. That’s just how grief and anxiety work. It’s how life after cancer works. But it’s life…it’s our life. Continually living between sadness and joy while being filled up with unending Grace from the One who loves us more than we can imagine.

#SophietheBrave #DoMoreForSoph #GodisBigger #OneDayCloser #cancermom #childhoodcancerawareness #lymphomasucks #childloss #lossmom #rainbowbabybrother #ConnorJackson #BigSisterSoph

A New Chapter

I realized today that I hadn’t posted on the blog in awhile and that some of you on here do not have social media! So, I wanted to quickly share our news….

It’s been a rough year for us and will continue to be rough without Sophie but, we are thrilled to announce that she’s a big sister. We’ve had two sonograms and Baby Skiles is measuring perfectly with a strong heartbeat. My doctor is being proactive since I’ve had trouble staying pregnant in the past but, we all believe that Sophie picked us out the perfect one to send to us.

While our family will never be complete without her here, we love being parents and can’t wait to have this baby in our arms….and to tell them all about their Brave big sister.

Please be in prayer for us. For health for me and the baby and also for all of the emotions and anxiety that come with any pregnancy but especially with one after loss.

#Sophiethebrave #DomoreforSoph #Godisbigger #onedaycloser #childloss #rainbowbaby #BabySkiles #BetheLight